Burned by the fires of scorn I rise again from the ashes.
To start at the beginning, I had decided to write a sonnet. So after working on my mightiest poem yet all night, I came to school prepared to crush my classmates and win the heart of Thorn at the same time!
Sadly, in what was to be a series of setbacks in my blackest (in a bad sense) day ever, my boombox shorted out in the morning and I was forced to take my younger sister's pink "barbie beach party" boom box instead (much to my classmate's mirth and my chagrain).
Anyway, no sooner had in started the tape of my prerecorded recorder accompanyment and began to read then disaster struck. But let us look at the poem first, then you will be all the more astonished that I did not ride out of school that day on a mighty stallion with my fair wench Thorn at my side!
And here it is:
Of Blood and Lust in a Time before Time
In darkest times where elves lay bound and chained,
And Faerie-dust gleamed dull in obscured light,
The sheep swarmed in a land where folly reigned,
Twas there I suffered through the endless night.
For ages I had slept in mist filled skies,
Till I was woken by a sounding horn.
I gazed in wonder at your lusty thighs,
And saw the bugler was my one true Thorn.
As steel on steel did our eyes boldly meet,
And so we sprang upon our craven peers.
Their screams were proof of ultimate defeat,
And with great mirth we embraced in their tears.
Passion flared as our bloody work was done,
My sword then found its sheath and we were one.
Yea verily, take a moment dear reader to collect yourself after that poetic onslaught. So what was the result of such a mighty verse? Well, at the mention of her name, Thorn came running up and kicked me in the codpiece (which I had specially made for the day), of course this only served to increase the laughter that had been freely flowing since I started my recorder tape. To make matters worse, my teacher tried to make me stop reading as Thorn continued to kick at me (though I did detect a certain tenderness in her attacks). By the time I got to the final rhyming couplet, I had been dragged to the door while Mr. Robinson the football coach helped to take me to the principal's.
As it stands now, I am not allowed to speak to Thorn, talk of a sexual harrassment suit is being thrown around, my parents had to come take me home, and we have an appointment with the school guidance counsellor.
I would be utterly crushed were I not so sure that with my words I have sown the evil seed of my love deep within Thorn's bosom that day.